


Of the Cracks in the Crystal Ball

by ChiaCat



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining, Season 6/7, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiaCat/pseuds/ChiaCat
Summary: It starts with Catherine showing up on Steve’s doorstep asking for help. Which of course leads to Danny tagging along so Steve won’t get his dumbass self killed. But after a harrowing mission Danny is confronted with some hard truths that make him question just what exactly Steve means to him.





	Of the Cracks in the Crystal Ball

**Author's Note:**

> I need to somehow give a standing ovation to my beta, missymillie. They not only came in at the very, very last minute, but went above and beyond anything I could have asked for, and pretty much wrangled this beast into something readable. Thank you so much! Any mistakes or crappy wording left over are all my own. 
> 
> My amazing artwork and fanmix is by PteraWaters. Check it out [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/H50_Big_Bang_2019/works/18797686) It's awesome!!

When Catherine shows up on Steve’s doorstep late one night Danny’s half asleep on Steve’s couch. It had been a very long day and he is not at all prepared for Steve’s surprised, “Catherine?” 

Steve’s a rigid line as he ushers her inside. “What’s wrong?” 

Catherine looks world-weary, with dark bags under her eyes and a frown firmly on her face. “I need your help.” She notices Danny as he straightens upright on the couch and visibly falters. 

He vaguely waves them off towards the kitchen. “I’ll, uh, just stay here.”

Danny gives it a good thirty seconds after they’ve left before creeping closer to eavesdrop. He listens to most of her spiel about a terrorist, a drug lord, suspected dirty agents and how Steve was one of the few people she trusts to have her back. It’s a pretty convincing story all told and Danny knows without looking at him that Steve bought it hook, line and sinker. He lets out a deep sigh before moving to lean against the doorway to the kitchen.

He crosses his arms, and asks, “So when are we leaving?”

*** 

They’re on a small plane to South America less than two hours later. Steve sits beside Catherine and she gives him a more in depth mission report. He’s mostly glad at the focus given how they’d left things the last time they’d talked. Steve glances behind him at Danny who’s on the phone, probably leaving messages to their friends and family. Steve knows he’d chosen the farthest seat from them on purpose, still sulking over him and Catherine trying to talk him out of going. It hadn’t worked obviously. Danny had just dug in his heals, and had listed exactly what had happened the last few times Steve had left the island without him, specifically the last time he’d left with _Catherine_. 

Steve had been mildly annoyed but in the end he’d just been glad Danny hadn’t mentioned his recent brush with death or complained about what Steve did with _his_ liver. He’s sure Catherine doesn’t know about it, and he doesn’t know how he feels about her finding out. Best to avoid it all together. 

He feels Catherine's gaze on him and turns to her. “What?”

She raises her eyebrows at him. “Go talk to him.” Catherine wads up her jacket and stuffs it under her head, adjusting herself to get comfortable. “I need a nap and he needs to know what he’s getting into.” 

Steve watches her relax down into the tiny seat before getting up to go sit beside Danny. He waits till he’s off the phone only to have Danny completely ignore him. Steve sighs, and says, “Cath wants me to fill you in.”

“Does she?” Danny finally looks over at him, and says, “Guess you wouldn't want me to be more of a liability than I already am. Go ahead, lay it on me.” Steve winces and tries not to trip on all that passive-aggression falling out of Danny’s mouth.

“Come on, you know that's not why,” Steve stops, frustrated at Danny being purposely obtuse. “This is a very dangerous, high-stakes mission—” 

“Are you kidding me?” Danny talks right over him, “How is this any different than you almost getting me shot every day. Sometimes twice a day!” 

Steve tries not to grind his teeth. “I don’t almost get you shot every day, stop being so dramatic. It’s barely once a week.” Steve takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Look, I signed up for this. You did not.”

Danny scrunches up his face, skepticism written all over it. “You signed up to get your CIA ex out of a sticky situation?”

“No, goddamn it,” Steve says, voice raising. “I signed up to protect my country and I have a lot less to lose.” Steve sees Catherine take her jacket she’d been using as a pillow and jam it over her head instead. He grimaces in guilt. 

Danny sees it too and goes quiet, turning away from him. Steve knows a quiet Danny is a dangerous Danny and tries to think of something to placate him. 

He doesn’t get the chance before Danny turns back, a heated look in his eyes as he says quietly, “If I have to tell Grace and Charlie that Uncle Steve isn’t coming back because he had _a lot less to lose_ ,” Danny breaks off, emotion bleeding through his words. “I will bring you back just to kill you myself so help me god. Do you understand me, Steven?”

Steve knows when he’s lost an argument even if he knows he’s not entirely wrong. He says, softly, “Okay, Danno, okay.” When Danny’s intense gaze doesn’t waver, he adds, “I always plan on coming back.”

Danny nods, satisfied. “Good.”

***

If you had told Danny two days ago that he’d be exiting a helicopter with a black bag over his head and his wrists tied together with rope he’d have laughed. Then he would have turned to Steve with a deeply suspicious look because he’s _always_ the reason Danny somehow ends up in fucked up life or death situations.

This time it’s not Steve’s fault, or at least not entirely his fault. That would be Catherine Rollins, who’s standing beside him sporting a fashionable black bag and tied wrists of her own. Or at least he assumes so since he can’t actually _see_ anything. Steve’s presumably on his other side too but Danny’s ire is, for once, not directed at him.

See Catherine’s sticky situation can be summed up thusly; A high-profile terrorist, Ademir Dias, was wanted by the CIA, dead or alive. Said terrorist was hiding out at his half-brother’s place, Carlos Torres, a suspected drug lord and human trafficker. As if that wasn't bad enough Catherine had also been tasked with taking down a dirty CIA handler in suspected league with Carlos.

It had been a clusterfuck from the start. Steve had gotten a lucky shot at Ademir, and no matter what he says it was lucky, and Catherine had had a show down with her boss and won. All in time for half-bro Carlos to show up unexpectedly and put a gun to Danny’s head. And with more than enough henchmen to capture the three of them without even trying. 

The black bag is yanked roughly off his head, and Danny blinks hard in the sudden bright light. Catherine and Steve are flanking him, and they get the same treatment. Danny looks around and sees they’re in a clearing, two wood cabins not far from them. There’s nothing but dense jungle on all sides, and Danny gets an ominous feeling.

Carlos (or Jafar as Danny had dubbed him because no one outside a Disney villain should be sporting that type of goatee. Seriously.) exits the helicopter last, two burly bodyguards beside him.

Danny makes the mistake of making a snide remark about him and his brother having different world views, what with his brother wanting to kill off his clientele. “So you can’t be that _sad_ he’s dead, right?”

He gets the back of a rifle to the head in response, and Danny stumbles but doesn’t fall. He grumbles in pain, but he’d take a knock to the head any day over the monologue that follows, about American imperialism and them having different approaches to the same ideology blah blah. Danny’s ears are still ringing by the end of his speech, and he’d really only heard half of it. He’d come to the conclusion long ago that bad guys really were just greedy, narcissists that liked to hear themselves talk. 

Jafar ends his rant with a giant clue as to why they’re here, announcing that this was his punishment camp, only used for his greatest enemies or deepest betrayals. No one can hear you scream and please feel free to try and escape, you won’t get far etc. etc. Four very muscular looking guards exit the nearest cabin almost on cue. Danny meets Steve’s eyes and understanding passes between them. This is turning out to be a very dramatic Nazi-like, torture camp. 

Jafar gets back on the helicopter and leaves with a jaunty wave. Soon it’s up and out of eyesight leaving Danny, Steve, and Catherine eyeing the four guards, two with rifles, one with a machete, and the last one smoking a cigar. Naturally. 

The guards herd them towards the second cabin; as they draw closer, Danny can see three guys digging near the tree line. Danny can’t see much but he gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. They need out of this fast. Once inside all of his queasy feelings are validated, it smells disgusting with nothing but three stained cots, and a bucket in the corner. 

Their saving grace comes from the guards severely underestimating Catherine, more focused on Steve and Danny, and the moment she sees an opportunity she takes it, aiming a backwards kick at the guard’s junk behind her, strong enough to make a Clydesdale proud. He goes down like a sack of bricks and Catherine whips around to roundhouse kick him in the face, fumbling to pick up his dropped rifle with her tied hands. 

Danny and Steve take that as their cue to take out the guards closest to them. Danny barrel checks the other rifle carrying guard while he hears Steve crash through the window with cigar guard. “He didn’t even have a weapon!” Danny yells and gets nothing but a grunt in return. Typical. 

“Danny, move!” Catherine hollers and he wisely rolls to the side just in time to hear a shot. She hits the guard in the chest and Danny only watches him bleed out for a moment before swiftly grabbing up his rifle. Catherine’s focused on machete guard and misses the first guard scramble off the floor and furiously grab her by the neck. 

Danny fires off a shot that catches machete guard center mass, and tries for the one currently strangling Catherine, but he doesn’t have a clean shot. He’s about to give up and go physically help her when she moves her body just enough for him to take a shot at one of the guard’s legs. It hits and gives Catherine the ability to do a ninja move and swing behind him as the guard falls. She throws her bound hands around his throat, yanking the rope tight against his neck to strangle him instead. She doesn't let go until well after he’s stopped moving, throwing his limp body off her with disgust.

“Remind me to stay on your good side,” Danny tells her, mostly impressed, but also kinda frightened. 

She just shakes her head at him, and bends to pick up the machete, gingerly cutting at her bound wrists. Danny realizes he hasn’t heard anything out of Steve in too long and makes for the cabin door. “Steve!”

“Over here,” he hears Steve call out. Danny follows his voice to the end of the cabin’s porch. He’s more beat up than Danny expected, swelling already appearing on his face, a cut above his eye and a line of cuts down one arm, probably from diving out a fucking window. He’s also sitting up against a porch post. The guard is a foot away from him, dead from an obviously broken neck. Danny raises his eyebrows at Steve. “Never trust the guy without a weapon. It’s an illusion.” Steve makes a funny little gesture with his bounds hands and Danny snorts at him. 

Catherine comes up behind him, touching his shoulder to get his attention, and then carefully cutting away at the rope around his wrists. She bends down and does the same for Steve, asking, “You okay?” 

“I’m fine.”

Danny snorts again. “Never heard that one before.” He reaches down to lend Steve a hand up. “Come one, tough guy. Up and at’em.” Steve leans heavily on him for a minute before straightening up. Danny rubs at his sore wrists and looks around. “Now where the hell are we?” 

Steve looks around too and shrugs. “I don’t know, but I’m guessing we’re not going to like the answer.” Danny gives him a deeply unimpressed look and Steve teases him with a smile. “Hey, at least we’re not dead.”

“Wow, aren’t you a glass half full today,” Danny says. “Just brimming with positivity.” 

“Heads up, guys,” Catherine nods at the three men that they saw earlier slowly heading towards the cabin. The closer they get the more terrible they look; they’re all shirtless and the abuse they’ve suffered is written in their gaunt faces, and the scars and fresh wounds strewn across their bodies. They’re all obviously terrified too and Danny kinda wants to kill those men all over again. Catherine tries to talk to them softly when they get close enough but the machete in her hands scares them, almost falling down as they turn and start running for the trees, finally disappearing into the jungle.

It’s dead silent between them for a while before Danny lets out what they’re all feeling, “Jesus fucking Christ.”

***

They start searching the area for anything useful. Steve finds a lighter, a few pocket knives and a non-digital watch on the guards. The other cabin, which turns out to be the guard’s, is far nicer than the other intended prison; with a big wood desk in the middle and sturdy bunk beds on opposite walls. 

Catherine comes in from searching the grounds. “You guys should come see this.”

She takes them to where they saw the three guys digging when they first arrived. It turns out to be mass grave, a fresh body only half buried. Steve feels his mouth harden into a thin line while Danny voices his disgust for him, “Christ.”

“Come on,” he tells them, “We’ve got four more bodies to add here.”

For once Danny doesn’t raise a complaint and the three of them make quick, but exhausting work of it. Steve’s finishing up when Danny stretches and leans heavily on his shovel. “This has to be karma, right?”

Steve pats the earth with his shovel one last time. “I’d call it justice.” Danny nods his head thoughtfully. It’s getting dark and the three of them head up to finish searching the guard’s cabin.

“No radios, no cell phones, not even a freaking tablet,” Danny finally erupts. “There’s nothing electronic here. Jafar was right, no one’s ever going to find us, and my kids will never know I got eaten by a jaguar.”

Catherine mouths Jafar at him and Steve suppresses a smile. “At least we won’t starve.” In the guard’s cabin they’d found at least a six month supply of MREs, several canteens, and a pair of battered backpacks shoved into the back of a small closet.

Danny wrinkles his nose. “I’d rather starve than live of those things.”

“They’re not that bad,” Catherine tells him.

“Some of them are quite good,” Steve adds.

Danny gives them the stink eye. “You’ve both been brainwashed. It’s so sad.”

Catherine laughs at him before somberly up and turning to Steve. “We can’t stay here.”

Steve ignores Danny’s sputtering. “No we can’t.”

***

They leave at first light, packing everything they can into the two beat up backpacks. While Catherine retrieves the machete, Steve climbs a huge ass tree and Danny frets below him. “You’re insane, you know that right? That tree’s bigger than some skyscrapers back in Jersey.” Steve’s getting pretty high up so Danny raises his voice. “I’m putting ‘he thought he was spider-man, he was wrong’ on your tombstone!”

“Get new material,” he hears echoed down at him.

“Everyone’s a critic,” Danny mutters. 

Catherine shows up, wielding her long knife of death like a ninja, but Danny’s too worried to be in awe. She eyes him, amusement all over her face. “He’ll be fine, you know. He’s climbed far tougher things than a tree before.”

“Yeah, well. That was a few years, and few malasadas ago,” Danny informs her.

Catherine just shakes her head on a laugh. 

Steve finally hops down and Danny can breathe fully again. “We go due north, and we should run into a river. Then we’ll follow that till we find people.”

“Should?” Danny says, disbelieving. “That’s our plan? Hope we find a river, and then hope we find people?”

Steve shrugs. “You got a better one?” 

Danny just gapes at him.

Catherine holds up her machete like a prized possession. “I’ll lead.”

***

Danny wakes up on a gasp to find Catherine whispering next to him. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You're fine.”

He sits up groggily and tries to shake the dream. Because that’s all it had been, a dream reenactment of Steve bleeding out beside him as he crash lands onto a beach. It’s one he’s had often enough. 

Besides a small campfire burning low it’s pitch black all around them. He’s never seen it so dark in his life. He remembers walking all day in the humid, bug-ridden hell hole that was most probably some part of the amazon jungle. He’s proud to say he’d only complained for half of it. Mostly because he’d started to get too thirsty and Steve was being stingy and ‘rationing’ their water intake.

Danny looks over at Steve, curled asleep opposite them and he moves to sit beside Catherine, their backs up against a large tree. He’s not going back to sleep for a while no matter how exhausted he is.

They sit silently for a bit before Catherine says softly, “I take it you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Not really, no,” Danny tells her. “I can take watch if you want to get some more sleep?”

She shakes her head. “I’m good for a bit longer.” They go back to sitting quietly in the dark, both in direct view of Steve and the fire’s casting an orange glow over his face. It makes him look peaceful, a younger version of himself. 

“You’re still in love with him.” Danny doesn’t know he’s going to say it until he does.

Catherine’s surprised too, looking up at him. She eventually says, sounding honest, “I think a part of me always will.”

“You ever think...” Danny trails off, not knowing exactly how to finish the thought.

“I’m surprised you’d ask that,” she says, sounding rueful. Catherine looks back at Steve. “After everything I’ve put him through.”

“I admit, you could have ended things better,” he says, before amending, “alright, a lot better. But you made him happy.” Danny looks back at Steve too. “He deserves more of that.”

Catherine face falls. “I wasn’t,” she tells him. “Happy, I mean,” she crosses her arms, folding in on herself. “It’s why I left.” She finally looks back at Danny and tells him, “When I left the Navy I was so confused about what I wanted to do. Steve made it a little better but,” she pauses to clear her throat. “But then Billy died and I fucking lost it. I thought after everything I’d been through, this was how I was going to end up. Killed over something so stupid.” Catherine wipes her eyes. “I thought if I loved him enough, I’d be happy.” 

Danny sighs. “If love was enough I’d probably still be married.”

Catherine lets out a small laugh, and they both ignore that it’s a little watery. “Sad part is, I’ll never find anyone half as perfect as him.” She shrugs, looking back at Steve. “Jokes on me I guess.”

Danny looks at Steve too, and by look alone he can’t tell if he’s still asleep or not, but he’s betting on the latter. He knows that emotional confession hadn’t been for him at all; both of them being so emotionally constipated it’s amazing they’d lasted as long as they had. Danny wonders if it’s a Navy thing. “Maybe you don’t need perfect,” he tells her. “Maybe you just need someone perfect for you.”

Danny’s eyes don’t leave Steve’s face, but he feels her gaze on him. Catherine says gently, “Maybe we both need that.”  


***

Steve takes the lead the next morning, Catherine begrudgingly giving him the machete. He knows he’s setting a brutal pace, from Danny loudly voicing his displeasure to Cath’s total silence. Steve even threatens taking away his canteen but Danny just glares at him, and goes on an even longer tangent about how Steve would make a great dictator one day. It makes him absolutely certain that Danny would rather die of dehydration than give Steve the satisfaction of shutting up for five minutes. But forgive him if he’s taking a minute to process everything he’d overheard last night. It’s one thing to know he wasn’t enough for Catherine, quite another to hear her say it out loud.

Finally he stops and checks his stolen watch, realizing it’s well past lunch into late afternoon. Steve lets them stop and eat, and Danny’s hilariously disgusted face at every bite makes him feel better than he has all day. After packing back up, he hands the machete to Danny. “You take lead for a while.”

Danny looks like he wants to say something, but ends up taking it without comment. Steve considers it to be mild miracle. 

The miracle doesn’t last long, Danny taking the opportunity to rant at length the virtues of winter. “I’m going to Jersey this winter and _staying_. Because you know what winter doesn’t have? Big ass bugs that’ll eat your face off.” He whacks underbrush aside with excess force. “I’ll make a snowman, and snow angels. I’ll have snowball fights and freeze my face off. And I’ll be _ecstatic_ about it.”

Steve tunes him out without even trying, lagging behind till he’s last in line. He slowly closes the gap between him and Catherine, saying quietly, “You should have told me.”

To her credit she doesn’t play dumb or surprised that he’d overheard them. “I know.” She glances at him. “You’ll never know how sorry I am that I didn’t.”

Steve lets that sink in, realizing that her admittance of guilt actually does make him feel a bit better. That he hadn’t been asking too much. “I would have understood.”

She makes a small, sad smile at him. “I know that. That’s what made it so hard.” Catherine takes a deep breath. “For what it’s worth, if I had told you in person that first time, that I wasn’t coming back.” Her eyes meet his, and he sees the sincerity in them. “I wouldn't have been able to go through with it.”

It’s a closure he didn’t think he’d ever get, but it doesn’t make him feel peaceful. It just makes him sad. He’s quiet for a moment finally telling her, “For what it’s worth I hope you find that perfect person for you. One that makes you happy.” Steve means every word; he would never want anything less for her.

Catherine stops dead in her tracks, making Steve stop or run into her. She keeps her eyes on an oblivious Danny before turning to him. “I wish that for you too.”

Steve shakes his head and steps past her, not touching that with a ten-foot pole. He catches up to Danny in time to hear, “It’s really the most underrated season of all time. No humidity, no green jungle vines trying to strangle you, no snakes— motherfucker!” Steve can’t hold in his bark of laughter. “Did you see that size of that thing? Move faster! It’s sizing us up for lunch.”

Steve’s still chucking. “You’re very wrong, you know. Winter is the worst, so cold and gloomy. I like fall though.”

Danny gasps. “Blasphemy!” He starts ranting again. “Ice skating, sledding—”

Catherine groans behind him. “You had to get him started again?”

Steve shoots her a grin. “Maybe if we start singing _Let it Go_ , he’ll get a clue.”

Catherine bursts out a surprised laugh.

“I heard that!” But Steve sees the smile trying to break across his face, and his grin widens. “I’ll have you know—” Danny cuts off on a yell, one second he’s looking back at Steve the next he’s gone.

“Danny!” Steve throws himself the short distance between them in time to see Danny tumbling down a steep incline leading to a large river. He watches Danny try to grab hold of something, futilely trying to stop his downward spiral. Danny’s almost to the water when his head slams hard into a protruding tree root, and he falls limply into the river. “Danny!” 

Steve hurls his backpack off, and starts sliding down the cliff. “Steve, be careful,” Catherine warns him.

Steve isn’t listening, not taking his eyes off Danny’s body drifting down the river. Steve slips and falls, hitting the water hard. He comes up already moving with the current after Danny. He catches up to him, lifting his head out of the water. “Come on, buddy. Help me out here.” Steve doesn’t get a response and searches until he sees an embankment not much farther down the river. He swims towards it, finally dragging Danny’s body along with his onto shore. “Come on,” Steve says, slapping his face a little, and immediately starting chest compressions when he still doesn’t get response. “Don’t do this to me, man. Just because you can’t fucking watch where you’re going.” He tilts Danny’s head back, pinching his nose shut before sealing his mouth over Danny’s, pushing air into him. Steve starts to try again and Danny coughs out river water in his face.

Steve pulls away with a grimace, rolling Danny onto his side. “That’s it. Get it all out. Preferably not on me this time,” Steve says, still gripping the back of Danny’s head to keep him still, and automatically rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. 

“Found your fucking river,” Danny coughs at him.

Steve laughs and Danny winces, face drawn up in pain as he reaches for his head. “Yeah, you got a nasty bump there,” Steve informs him. “Good thing your head’s harder than a mule’s.”

“You think you’re funny, don’t you,” Danny mutters at him. 

Steve brushes his hand over the swollen knot on Danny’s temple, a small cut in the middle of it. He really wants to lean his forehead against Danny’s, maybe absorb some of his pain. “You wanna not do that again, that would be great.”

“Steve? Danny?” Catherine calls out and Steve startles, moving slightly away from Danny. He looks up and sees she’s not far, less than eight feet from them. Steve has no idea how long she’s been there but by the look on her face, long enough. He doesn’t meet her eyes. 

Catherine drops their bags before bending down on Danny's other side. “Danny, you alright?”

Danny waves her off, already trying to get up. “I’ll live,” he says. “Thanks to this schmuck.”

Steve lets out breath and then helps Danny up. “You’re welcome. Thanks for finding my fucking river.”

“I hate you,” Danny tells him on a laugh. “So much. It’s a whole new realm of hate that I didn’t know existed. Reserved solely for you.”

“I know,” Steve replies, amused resignation lacing his words. “I know, Danno.”

***

They start following the river the next day, having stopped for the night after Danny’s accident. Danny’s very adamant about following last, leaving all responsibility onto Steve. It’s quiet for the most part, Danny’s head not feeling up for doing a running commentary. It’s mid-day when they see the fishing boat, powering down the river. Danny rubs the bridge of his nose as Steve flags the boat down. “Don’t fucking say it.”

Steve smirks as the boat turns towards them, slowing not far off from land. “Told you so.”

“Watch it be fucking pirates,” Danny says, “You’re a magnet for that shit.” 

The pirates turn out to be a few fishermen and after some broken English, and a few words in Portuguese from Catherine, one guy pulls out an old, slightly beat-up flip phone. Danny says, “I’ll be damned.”

Danny about weeps when Jerry picks up the phone. Hours later he does wipes a tear out of his eye as a helicopter hovers over them, Chin in full view above them. It’s very windy after all.

The helicopter struggles to land, and Danny envisions climbing a rope ladder like some action movie star or _Steve_ , but they manage to find a space big enough not far from them. Chin and a woman they met briefly before the mission come out to meet them. Danny pulls Chin into a bear hug even though he smells like a sewer. “Man, am I so glad to see you.” 

Chin has a relieved smile on his face. “You too.”

Steve gives a more considerate one-armed hug to Chin. “Not that it’s not good to see you, but how are you here?”

Chin points to the woman catching Catherine up in a quick hug. “Catherine’s friend called us when you didn't check in. Kono’s at the base making the CIA nervous.” 

The woman, Maria, Danny thinks is her name, gives them a concerned look. “You guys might be in trouble.”

“Yeah, well,” Catherine huffs out. “We’ll see about that. Let’s get out of here.”

***

Danny steps out of the shower so tired he’s surprised he’s still standing. After their whirlwind rescue the CIA big wigs had gotten a hold of them, making them debrief to hell and back no matter how many times Danny had told them he didn’t work for them. Chin and Kono had been placed on the first plane back to Hawaii, but with Catherine’s reputation on the line he’d grudgingly stayed put and played ball. 

Turns out the CIA was unwilling grateful to them. Taking out a dangerous terrorist and a traitor had made them overlook the fact of Steve and Danny’s involvement. Which according to them had been unnecessary. Whatever. The shining beacon in the lengthy info exchange was learning Carlos Torres, aka Jafar, had been apprehended, his cartel was in shambles, and that he wasn’t ever going to get out of the hole in the ground they had put him in.

All in all, Catherine had been commended for a successful mission, Steve and Danny had been acknowledged as a part of that, and then basically told to go the fuck home. Which Danny had had absolutely no problem with, except they’d taken too long jerking them around and the first flight out wasn’t until morning. They’d at least put them up in a nice hotel and the first thing he’d done was call Grace, catching her as she’s getting ready for school. He tells her he’s fine even though she’s old enough to see through his reassurances now, and that he’d be home as soon as he could. 

The second thing he’d done was take a long shower, scrubbing a week’s worth of filth off him. It had been magical, but he’s more than ready to pass out for a few hours when someone knocks on his door. He checks who it is first before letting them in. “Catherine? 

Her hair’s wet and she’s dressed down, like she’s ready to get some must needed shuteye herself. “So I know this isn’t any of my businesses,” she tells him, starting to pace across from him. “But this is my last chance,” she says, and she seems to be talking to herself or the hotel carpet. “There’s not an easy way to ask so I’m just going to come right out with it.” She stops in front of him, finally looking him in the face. “Are you sleeping with Steve?” 

Danny’s so mesmerized by her uncharacteristic behavior that the question takes a minute to penetrate, but when it does he sputters out a laugh. “What?”

Catherine watches him intently, not even a hint of a smile on her face. “Have you ever slept with Steve?”

Danny’s laughter dries up, utter incredulity replacing it. “Wait, you’re serious?” When Catherine’s face doesn’t waver Danny bursts out, “No! I’m not sleeping with Steve. What is the matter with you?”

Catherine searches his face, like she’s looking for a lie. “Never?”

He makes an inarticulate sound of frustration. “I’m not gay,” Danny says, rather loudly. “Steve’s not gay.”

Catherine frowns. “That’s not entirely true,” she says slowly. “Surely you know about—”

“Know about what?”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. You’ll have to ask Steve. It’s not my story to tell.”

“Ask Steve about _what?_ ” Danny’s head is starting to throb. “Would you please speak English and tell me what the hell this is about?”

“Look I know I’ve overstepped my bounds here,” Catherine tells him starting to get worked up herself. “But I’m just trying to protect Steve from past mistakes because he can be such an idiot about this stuff. He doesn’t tell people how he really feels.” She makes a disbelieving snort. “Do you know how long it took him to ask me out on a date?”

“Yes, I do actually.” Danny rubs at his forehead, feeling a tension headache coming on. “Catherine, I don’t know if this is guilt or jealously or whatever,” he tells her, more than fed up. “And all the married jokes? I get it, they’re oh so hilarious,” Danny says, rolling his eyes. “But we’re just _partners_. That’s it.” 

“Whoa, whoa, hold on,” Catherine says, putting her hands up. “I was in the Navy,” she pauses, obviously gathering her thoughts. “I’ve been the only woman in world of men my entire life. I know _exactly_ how deep the bonds of brotherhood can go.”

“What’s your point?” Danny snaps

“My point is,” Catherine tells him. “If I’m seeing something else between you and Steve.” She looks him in the eye, tilting her head a little bit. “Maybe you should wonder why that is?”

Danny is never speechless but he’s drawing a blank now. He feels like he smashed his head again, dazed and confused.

Catherine sighs. “Just think about it.” She moves and despite the tension kisses him on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, Danny.” She gives him a teasing smile. “And that boy of yours.”

The ensuing silence after she’s gone brings Danny back to life. “What the fuck!”

***

 

Steve gets home after a very long flight and can’t tell if he’s more hungry or tired. He walks into the kitchen, turning on lights and decides after a week away the safest option is a PB and J sandwich. He makes quick work of it thinking of his goodbye with Catherine before he’d gotten on the plane home. Danny had already boarded, and she’d caught him at the last minute with a tight hug, and a soft kiss on the mouth. 

She’d given him a teary smile. “I’ve known how you felt about him.” Catherine had looked up at the plane, Danny clearly visible in a back window. “Since we started dating, but I never worried. You’re not that type of guy.” She’d looked back at him. “He’s still right beside you, Steve.” 

Fear had been sudden and encompassing, “ _Catherine_.”

She’d just sighed. “See you around, sailor. Take care of yourself.”

Steve finishes his sandwich and violently shoves the memory away. It does him no use to dwell on impossible things. And he has more important things to worry about anyway. Like Danny’s complete and utter silence on the way home, looking more exhausted than when he was stranded in the amazon. He hopes Danny’s not coming down with something, Steve was more than up to date on his vaccines but he’s not sure about Danny. He decides to make check with a doctor soon. You can never be too careful. 

 

***

Danny feels more than a little betrayed by Catherine. He had thought they’d _bonded_ out there in that death jungle, and then she goes and drops a delusional bombshell on him, and fucks off leaving him to deal with the fall out.

He’d barely slept after she’d left, trying to figure out what she’d just told him and _why._ If he’d been a normal person he’d have chalked it up as nonsense, just Catherine projecting things onto him and Steve. It happens sometimes. But he’s not a person that lets things go easily and worse she’d hinted that there was something he did not know about Steven McGarrett; which is like waving a piece of chicken in front of an alligator. He’s gonna bite.

Except it’s not like he can just blurt out in the car, “Did you know Catherine thinks we’re sleeping together?” or “So I heard you might like dick?”

So Danny mildly obsesses about it for a week, enough so that Kono catches him staring at Steve while he’s interviewing a witness, and asks, “Does boss man have something on his face?” Worse part is he can’t even tell if she’s teasing him or not.

His misery comes to an end when Steve invites him over for their four month anniversary. Meaning it’s been four months since Danny coughed up half his liver to Steve and the doctor had given them both a clean bill of health. Meaning they can drink in moderation. Danny of course is ecstatic, not just because he’d missed beer like a limb but also because it’s the perfect opportunity to casually ask Steve about whatever the hell Catherine had told him.

They’ve both said they were only going to have one beer, two beers at most really. Steve grills some steaks, Danny puts on a football game they’d missed the day before and everything is going rather well. He’s on his third beer, hiding the fact from Steve rather stealthily when he figures out a brilliant way to bring up the subject. He’s gonna lie. Danny’s a great liar, unlike no poker face Steve. He doesn’t usually see the point of lying; now though, he sees a point.

Danny takes a sip of his beer, Steve immersed in the game beside him on the couch. “Catherine mentioned something to me,” Danny begins, shooting glances at Steve. “While you were getting interrogated by the CIA.”

Steve doesn’t take his eyes off the TV. “Uh, huh.”

“I made a bad joke,” Danny says. “About how it’s too bad you couldn’t smooth dog that douchey CIA guy so we could leave.” He’s a liar, liar pants on fire. “And she, she implied you weren’t entirely straight.” He huffs a laugh. “Or exactly gay. I’m not sure what she was saying.” Danny sees Steve freeze out of the corner of his eye, and turns to him. “Anyway, she was surprised I didn’t know what she was talking about and said to ask you.” That was true enough and Danny gives him an encouraging smile. “So here I am, asking you.”

Steve’s a frozen stature, face a blank mask he rarely gets anymore unless he’s about to shoot someone. “Catherine said that to you?”

Danny’s smile falters. “I’m getting that she shouldn’t have.” He lets out a sigh. “Look you don’t have to answer. It doesn’t matter to me, whatever you do or don’t tell me.” Danny shrugs, turning back to the TV. “I’ve known you a long time. I was just curious is all.”

Danny watches Steve relax, tension gradually falling out of him. “Because you’re such a laid-back, easy-going guy, right?”

He nods quickly. “Right.”

“And me not answering wouldn't strangle that curious cat of yours,” Steve tells him, tone dry as a bone. 

“Exactly.” Danny relaxes slightly himself, watching a world of thought pass over Steve’s face.

Finally Steve rubs a hand over his face and sighs. “There’s not much to tell.” Steve pauses, looking back at the TV, but not like he’s actually seeing it. “Sometimes it was easier with guys back then. After missions or down time. It wasn’t a big deal.”

Danny frowns, wondering how Steve can tell him something and also nothing at the same time. “How come you’ve never told me this?”

Steve scoffs. “Like you’ve told me about every meaningless hook up you’ve ever had?”

“I have too,” Danny blurts at him. “I even told you how I made out with that dude with long hair who I thought was a girl when I was twenty.” He is offended and hits Steve lightly on the arm. “Remember your birthday last year? We got drunk at that beach party. With the fire and the s’mores?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yes, I remember. Well, parts of it.” He nudges back at Danny. “It was a long time ago and I guess I’ve never really told anyone about it.”

“Except for Catherine.” Danny doesn’t know why that bothers him, but it does.

“Ah, she walked in on me and—” Steve stops talking abruptly, looking mildly unconformable. “Well, it was obvious what was going on. We never really talked about it but she’s kept it to herself. Till now for some reason.”

Danny gets an inkling of a thought and doesn’t like where it’s going. “Who were you with?” he asks slowly. “When Catherine walked in on you?”

Steve looks away before answering. “It doesn’t matter,” he says. “Nobody you’d know.”

It’s a lie, it’s a blatant lie and Danny’s gobsmacked by it. It’s like a light bulb bursts over his head _surely you know about... trying to protect Steve from past mistakes... he doesn’t tell people how he really feels_ … he’s a fucking detective and it took him this long to figure out why Catherine thought they were sleeping together. “Jesus, Steve,” Danny says, and it comes out shaky. “It was Freddie,” he demands. “It was Freddie, wasn’t it?” 

Steve flinches. Steve who chases the worst of the worst without a thought _flinches_ from him. One moment later Danny watches the blinds come down, the curtains close, every trace of emotion leaves Steve’s face. “It was before he met his girl,” he finally says. “I wouldn't have...”

Because that’s the issue he’s having right now. Danny’s mind is reeling. “Are you kidd—” Danny stops and tries again, almost at a loss. “You loved him.”

Steve shrugs. “Of course I did.”

It’s Steve’s utter lack of emotion that makes Danny abruptly stand, wavering on his feet at the sudden movement. He squints at the beer bottle still in his hand. Danny was sure it was his third but maybe his fourth? In any case he sets it gently on the coffee table and breathes out. “I need some air.”

He’s out the back door before he knows it, trying to process what he’d just figured out. Because Steve hadn’t _told_ him, he’d lied to him, and he’d been so _dismissive_ of it all. It makes Danny’s stomach hurt. Worst of all is Danny had seen Steve’s grief of Freddie first hand; it had been real and brutal. He hates the fact that he’d only partially been there for him, their friendship not as close back then as it was now.

He hears Steve come out behind him. “Danny,” he says, sounding hesitant and so unlike Steve. “It wasn’t like what you’re thinking. We were just—”

Danny interrupts him, not even turning around. “Was it your childhood? The Navy? Both?” 

“Why do you always got to make something out of nothing?” Danny jerks around and Steve isn’t emotionless anymore, he’s frustrated.

“What is your damage?” he demands. “You loved him and you lost him.” 

Steve says nothing, his clenched jaw and glare speaking volumes anyway.

Danny speaks fast, overcome by Steve’s silence even in anger. “And that’s nothing to you? Sure it might not have been an epic love affair but it meant _something_.” 

“Danny just because I don’t talk about things till I’m blue in the face--”

“You don’t talk at all!” Danny realizes he’s yelling and drags a hand over his face. He looks back at Steve and after a moment says, voice rough. “If we had sex, me and you,” he gestures between them. “It could be a lot of things, but it could never be _meaningless_.”

Steve’s eyes widen and at the evident surprise on his face Danny’s shoulders slump in defeat. “This isn’t coming out right,” he says. “I’m, I’m going to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Danny walks back inside and when Steve doesn’t call him back he knows just how far off the rails that conversation had gone. 

***

Steve watches Danny walk away, anger and frustration a thin armor hiding his terror. He should have seen this coming. Fucking Catherine. Steve should have known she hadn’t brought up his feelings for Danny for no reason. She’d gone and told Danny something they hadn’t really talked about themselves. He wishes he could get a hold of Catherine right now and ask her what the hell she thought she was doing. That despite what she had said, she couldn’t have understood the true extent of his feelings for Danny, or she’d never would have said anything. She’d never be that cruel.

Steve slowly walks down to the beach, and lets the tide wash over his feet. He desperately wants to go for a swim but he’s had more than enough to drink. Not as much as Danny, who is not as sneaky as he thinks he is. Their conversation keeps echoing in his head, and it had come way too close to revealing things Steve doesn’t wish to acknowledge, let alone think about Danny finding out.

Steve drags in deep lungfuls of salt-water air, and fails at trying not to think of Freddie and his dashing smile. It still hurts even after all this time. Freddie's memory is bittersweet and tangled as ever; it’s Steve’s grief and guilt as his death, and it’s his devotion and desire for him. It’s letting himself fall only to be slammed back into reality. 

The truth is when Freddie had come back from shore leave and said, “I just met the girl I’m going to marry. God, she’s perfect, she’s amazing.” Steve had felt something crack painfully inside him. But it had been a familiar pain, one of rejection he hadn’t seen coming. So he’d dredged up a smile, and said to Feddie's beaming face, “I can’t wait to meet a woman willing to put up with your bullshit. I didn’t think it was possible.”

So when Danny had smiled at him after accepting reservations to let his little girl swim with dolphins, Steve had violently squashed any feelings that had went beyond friendship. Between his grief over his father and Freddie it had been nothing more than self-preservation at the time. Because Danny can’t reject him if Steve doesn’t _ask_. And he’s been doing it so long it’s become a reflex, he barely even notices it anymore. Danny is in his life; is his partner and best friend, and that’s all he can ever ask for. How could he ever be so selfish to ask for something Danny can’t give him when he already has so much? 

Catherine leaving had been the final nail in the coffin of a life lesson he’d learned when he was fifteen years old. That the people he truly loves don’t stay. That even if they love you it’s not enough. Never enough to _stay._

Steve looks back to his house, a dim light in an upstairs room and wonders what he’ll do when Danny does inevitably leave. It’s a thought he’s not entirely sure he wants to know the answer to and fervently hopes it’s not one he has to find out soon. 

 

***

Danny wakes to a mild headache, and also like he wants to fall in a hole and die. If only that latter feeling was because of his hangover. He makes a half-assed comb over with his hair before shuffling downstairs to the kitchen. Steve’s already there, still damp under his t-shirt and shorts from his morning swim. He’s leaning against the counter, stirring only god knows what into his coffee. Probably some gross, new health trend, Danny thinks crankily, like coconut oil or hemp seeds.

Danny grabs a cup and silently pours himself some, sitting down at the little island. It’s quiet until his coffee cup is almost empty. “I’m sorry.” Danny’s better at apologizing than Steve is but it’s still not fun. “I think I drank too much for my regrown liver.” He has no idea if that’s a thing, but it sounds like a good excuse and Danny’s gonna use it.

Steve just takes a drink and doesn’t say anything. Danny sighs wearily. “I was just upset that you never told me any of this. Not just Freddie, Steve,” he says, watching the way Steve stiffens at Freddie's name. “About liking guys at all. And the way you talked about it.” Danny flounders about for a minute trying to find the right words. “Like they didn’t matter. It rubbed me the wrong way I guess.” 

Steve finally looks up from his coffee. “I’m not repressed or, or ashamed.” He throws a hand towards him. “Come on, Danny, you know me.”

“I thought I did,” Danny mutters. He might be pouting. Might be. 

Steve takes a breath, obviously reining himself in. “I know exactly who I am. I just—” he says. “I don’t talk about Freddie. It’s still too—” Steve turns away, his hands gripping tight to the edge of the counter. “Sometimes I can’t even look his little girl in the face when I go see them, it’s too much.”

“Steve,” Danny says, guilt twisting in him.

“And I was with for Catherine so long, and then dating Lynn.” Steve turns back to him, relaxing slightly. “It didn’t come up and you know I'm not the sharing and caring type of person.”

“Understatement of the year,” Danny says, but he’s teasing, a slow smile forming on his face. A horrible thought makes it drop right off. “Did I ever do anything or say something that made you think you couldn’t tell me?”

Steve snorts at him. “No, that's not. No. You tear up at alien men giving birth. I could never top that, Danny.”

“Hey, I was barely seeing Gracie then,” Danny says. “And it’s a very emotional scene in a great movie. I don’t care what anyone says.”

“We are very different people.” 

“It’s what our therapist keeps telling us.”

Steve’s laughter makes the small knot of worry leave Danny. Sure, he’s still kinda miffed about Steve never telling him anything but that’s just par for the course at this point. And Steve is _repressed_ but just at expressing human emotion. Like all of them. But he opens up to Danny more than he does just about anyone. Obviously Danny’s a good influence on him. He smiles. “She’d be so proud of us right now.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Steve says, with a scrunch to his face. Danny gets up and refills his coffee cup. He pats Steve on his shoulder with his free hand. “Well I am,” he says. “Thank you for telling me.”

Steve just nods but there’s a smile crinkling up the corners of his mouth. Danny counts it as a win.

 

***

Steve’s impressed it takes a whole two weeks before Danny brings it up again. It’s Lou’s birthday party, a surprise thrown by his wife. The whole gang shows up, Kono and Adam, Chin not so subtly flirting with Abby, Jerry and even Max. Danny brings Melissa and Steve feels it more than usual when they walk in arm in arm. Steve genuinely likes her though – always has – and he shakes the feeling off quickly.

It’s a good party, Lou is happy as can be, loud and more than a little drunk. The food is great and so is the company. Steve’s sitting by Danny later in the evening when the party’s dying down. They’re in lawn chairs at the edge of the yard, watching the remaining party-goers peacefully. Chin is so getting lucky tonight. 

Steve’s taking a swig of beer when Danny asks, “Have you ever dated a guy?”

Steve chokes but refrains from spewing beer everywhere. Steve gives him the stink eye. “You did that on purpose.”

There’s mirth dancing in Danny’s eyes. “Maybe.” Steve’s looking around, but there’s nobody close by. “Well?” Danny prompts him.

Steve humors him. “No, no I haven’t.”

Danny seems to digest that. “You know this isn’t a backwards small town. Hell, this isn’t even Jersey. Your island does have a few things going for it,” Danny tells him begrudgingly. “Nobody would care,” he makes a face. “But if they did they wouldn't be worth your time.”

Steve tries hard not to roll his eyes. It’s very obvious Danny’s just trying to be a supportive friend, no matter how much it’s not needed. “Yes, Danny, I know.” 

“I’m just saying, you’re not getting any younger. How long has it been since you broke it off with Lynn?”

“How ‘bout you worry about your own love life,” Steve says, long-suffering. “Jerry has Melissa cornered by the food table. It looks like he’s ranting.”

Danny scoffs without even looking. “She loves Jerry, it’s fine.” He pushes at Steve’s arm. “I’m just telling you, this opens up a bigger playing field. You have no excuses, there’s _all_ the fish in the sea. If you’d just _try._ ”

Steve finally does roll his eyes. “If I tell you I’ll think about it will you shut up?” He really needs Danny to care less about this subject.

Danny splays out a hand. “It’s all I ask.”

“Good, now please go rescue Melissa. I think I can see her signaling for help.”

“Oh, shit. Be right back.” Danny shoots off his chair, already calling her name.

Steve lets out a sigh of relief. 

 

***

Steve really had no intentions of thinking about it. He had recently come to the conclusion that another love story was not in his cards. After all three strikes and you’re out. Lynn had been fun and easy, but after a while his worry of leading her on had gotten to him, and they had parted ways pretty amicably. But with Catherine’s recent meddling bringing up feelings he’d long ago buried, Steve starts to think maybe it’s not such a bad idea. A distraction can’t hurt, at least until he can see Danny’s arm wrapped around Melissa’s waist without wanting to look away.

So he starts flirting. He can be pretty charming when he wants to be and by then end of the day he has two waitresses’ numbers, and that FedEx guy totally winked at him. 

Nothing sticks till Sunday when he goes surfing early in the morning. It’s not busy, a handful of surfers catching the early waves. A younger guy with shaggy back hair gestures for him to go for a wave that was totally his, leading to the only barrel wave Steve hits that morning.

Obviously Steve has to thank him, flirting without even really meaning to as the guy is more than easy on the eyes. He’s pretty surprised when the guy flirts back, giving him an obvious once over. “I’m Nate,” he says. “And don’t mention it. You got a lot more use out of it then I would have. I’m still getting my sea legs.”

Steve recognizes an opportunity when he sees one. “I’m no pro but I’ve been on a board a few times.” He smiles, and asks, “You need any pointers I don’t mind lending a hand.” 

Nate smirks. “I need you not to laugh when I fall flat on my face.”

The rest of the morning is pretty enjoyable, Steve gives Nate advice where he can and they fall into a repertoire that’s fun and easy. When they’re done for the day he’s not all that surprised when Nate asks him, “Want to get some coffee?” The question immediately after does give him pause. “Want to get coffee at my place?” 

It doesn't take him long to decide this might be exactly what he needs. “I never turn down a free coffee.”

 

***

Danny’s still hung up on Steve’s little revelation and it’s starting to bug him. He has more than a few questions but with Steve obviously not wanting to make a big deal about it. Danny keeps his mouth shut. Even more frustrating, Danny’s not even sure why he’s still obsessing. He’s never particularly cared about who Steve’s gotten with, so long as they came back clean on a background check. Not that he’ll ever tell Steve that.

Steve himself seems to be in a good mood this morning; he’d even hummed along to the radio a bit, much to Danny’s deep suspicion. It hits him all at once when they pull up to interview a witnesses for this morning’s homicide. Steve gets out of the car slower than usual, a slight hitch in his step. Danny’s wondering when he could have possibly gotten hurt, when suddenly he’s putting two and two together and getting his mind blown.

Steve notices that Danny’s stalled, a little dumbstruck, and turns around. “You coming today, old man?”

Danny gets it together enough to yell back, “Hold your horses.” He totally lets Steve take the lead on interviewing, chiming in occasionally, but mostly trying to get his brain back online. Because Steve’s good mood is his I-just-got- _laid_ good mood and when Steve shifts in his chair for the second time, Danny gives up the ghost on trying to explain it any other way.

It’s not obvious but Danny’s _looking_ for it and apparently Steve likes to get fucked. And Danny has no idea what to do with this information. Besides fixate on it because wow. Just wow.

Steve doesn’t seem to notice his distraction, drumming his hands on the wheel when they get back in the car. Danny tries not to think about Steve having sex in unusually graphic detail. He fails epically. “So you got laid.” 

Steve spares him a glance. “You have some kinda sick, psychic connection with my sex life, don’t you?” 

“On the contrary, all I have to do is look at your stupid, smiley face,” Danny informs him. “You have an afterglow, my friend.”

“I don’t have an afterglow,” Steve says, frowning for the first time all day.

“You so do, it’s adorable really,” he says. “So what happened?”

Steve sniffs. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“I don’t need details,” he lies. Danny wants _all_ the details but figures he should keep that to himself. “Where’d you meet them? What’s their name?” He keeps it gender neutral on purpose and is rewarded with Steve sighing in defeat.

“I met them surfing yesterday,” Steve tells him, rather monotone. “And their name is Nate. Happy?”

“Ecstatic,” he says just as dryly. “And?”

“He asked me for coffee afterwards,” Steve admits. “At his place.”

“You dog.” Danny grins at him, impressed despite himself. “Judging by your mood today everything went well.”

Steve fights to keep the smile off his face, and simply says, “Yes.”

Danny nods, still struggling with distracting himself from images of Steve and a faceless guy rolling around in the sheets. All sweaty muscles, and Danny abruptly asks, “You happen to get a last name?”

Steve opens him mouth and then stops, turning to glare at him. “Don’t even, Danno.”

He holds up his hands in surrender. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just curious.”

Steve’s glare doesn’t waver. “Right. You know what they say about curiosity.”

Danny shrugs, hoping he looks less than convinced. He’s not sure Steve’s wrong but for entirely different reasons. He’s left with an uneasy feeling he can’t shake and absolutely certain he doesn’t wanna know why.

 

***

While he hadn’t caught his last name, Steve had gotten Nate’s number; though he hadn’t been sure he was going to use it. But when Danny takes an unexpected trip to Jersey the following weekend, he barely questions his sudden urge to hit the little green call button and invite Nate over. 

He hadn’t been lying; sex with Nate was a revelation of sorts. Steve has never had sex like this with a guy before. In the past, such affairs had always been quick and furtive, Don’t ask, Don’t tell a constant backdrop to his encounters. Even with Freddie it had been a high on adrenaline type of deal, or a desperate grab of comfort when things had gotten too real. 

This time though he can go slow, take his time to learn what he likes, and when a breathless Nate asks, “You a top or bottom?” Steve can learn the answer to a question no one had ever asked him. He likes _both_. Nate, bless him, takes all his rusty sex skills in stride, making Steve comfortable to try things he never has before. 

Nate’s sweaty and boneless. “I’m really glad you called me,” he says, still panting above him. “Exactly how long can you hold your breath again?”

Steve lays his head on Nate’s thigh and laughs. This might not be what he truly wants, or more accurately _who_ , but it’s still pretty good. Way more than the nothing he was expecting.

 

***

Steve’s still in a good mood by Monday morning when Danny strolls in before work. He’s still in the kitchen eating breakfast and Danny grunts at him in greeting before making a beeline for the coffee pot.

“That bad, huh?”

Danny basically inhales his coffee. “Airplanes are bullshit.”

Steve nods in sympathy while Danny scowls angrily at his coffee cup. And today had started out so good Steve thinks mournfully.

By the end of the day Danny’s mood steadies out. He wasn’t jumping for joy but he has stopped glaring at everyone in his vicinity and Steve will take what he can get. He decides to take Danny out to dinner, a bar and grill type place they both love in the hopes a nice steak or burger will cheer him up. 

It’s going well, Steve slowly goading Danny into a better mood when Nate and a few friends walk past them. Nate does a comical double take when he sees him, and starts to come over. He sees Danny and stops, uncertainty written all over his face.

Steve waves him over because he’s not the slightest bit ashamed, just surprised. “Nate, hey man.” Steve gets up and hugs him and is rewarded with a warm smile. He turns back to their table. “This is my partner, Danny Williams.”

“Work partner,” Danny says with frown. “God, you’re an idiot.”

Steve just rolls his eyes and ignores him. “Danny this is Nate.” He hesitates for a moment before turning to Nate with a smirk. “He’s my surfing buddy.”

Nate laughs but Danny’s frown deepens. “Right,” he says, drawling the word out and Steve kinda wants to kick him in the shin. 

It only gets worse from there, Danny insisting Nate join them and then turning into the most passive-aggressive dickwad, that even Steve – used to a cranky Danny – is surprised. He basically interrogates Nate, who to his credit takes it with a grace Steve wouldn't have been able to himself. He does learn a few things, like that Nate is a paramedic, moved here five years ago with an ex-fiancé, and loves the beach and dogs. Steve feels a little guilty for not knowing any of that but then again their mouths had been otherwise occupied. 

Steve does try to intervene multiple times only to be ignored or plain talked over. He eventually does kick Danny in the shin after he makes a snide remark about Nate’s age.

“Ow, what the hell,” Danny yells, completely ignoring all cues for subtilty. “You’re no spring chicken, you know. And he’s what 28?”

“I’m 36,” Nate says dryly. “So I’m going to go. I think my friends have already left me.” 

Steve glares at Danny and gets up, giving Nate an apologetic smile. “I’ll walk you out.”

As soon as they get to Nate’s car, Steve tries to apologize for Danny but Nate holds a hand up to stop him. “Look I know we’re not anything serious, but you could have told me.” He runs a hand through his hair and stares hard at Steve. “I don’t need any more drama in my life and letting me walk into that ambush was not cool.”

Steve’s guilt deepens. “He’s not usually like that, I swear,” he says. “I mean he’s a cranky old man, but he’s not usually _mean_. Not unless you deserve it.” Steve realizes he’s getting off subject and reins it in. “He had a bad day and I’m seriously sorry he took it out on you.” 

Nate squints at him. “You’re serious right now.”

He blinks, confused. “Yes?”

Nate swears. “Steve, I don’t know what you think is going on, but your guy up there.” He points to the restaurant “He was very, _very_ jealous.”

Steve’s eyes widen, feeling a bit of a sting at those words. “Danny’s straight. It’s not like that.”

“I don’t care what he is,” Nate says firmly. “I touched your hand and I thought he was going to rip my arm off and beat me with it.”

Steve shakes his head and says just as firmly. “It’s not like that.” He sees Nate about to say something and talks over him. “It’s not like that for _him_.”

He sees understanding dawn over Nate’s face and he looks away. “Fuck, Steve.” He hears Nate let out a deep sigh. “You should talk to him. You might be surprised.” That’s the last thing in the world Steve wants to do. Nate must see that because he shakes his head and says, “Call me if you ever work this out, okay?”

Steve nods and stays put as Nate drives away, taking a minute to collect himself. He knows Nate is wrong but any spark of hope might just make him jump into the ocean and not come back up.

Steve walks slowly back up to the restaurant and finds Danny on the steps. He wordlessly starts walking to the car and when Danny starts complaining about always getting stuck with the bill, Steve snaps. “Get in the car.”

Danny stops walking. “Excuse me?”

“Get in the car,” Steve says, deeply serious. “Or I swear to God I will leave your ass here.”

Danny must have some sense of self-preservation because he silently gets in the car. Steve counts to ten before climbing in himself.

The drive to his house is deathly silent. He parks by his truck and gets out, but he can’t quite ignore Danny yelling his name. He turns around to see Danny staring at him over the hood of the Camaro, and knows he’s too worked up to hear whatever Danny has to say.

“I don’t think I need a ride to work tomorrow, thanks.” Steve turns on his heel and strides to his door, mild satisfaction at his own pettiness, and getting in the last word for once. 

“God dammit, Steven.” He hears Danny yell after him. “You’re fucking impossible!” 

Of course. Steve slams his door in response.

 

***

It takes the whole drive home for Danny to lose his righteous anger at Steve’s unreasonableness, and by the time he walks in and throws his keys in the bowl by the door he’s well on his way to a full-blown freak out. 

Danny had hoped a few days in Jersey would clear his head, make him stop obsessing about certain people’s sex lives; instead he’d had _too_ much time to think, the weather had been crappy and his parents think he’s having a mid-life crisis. Which he’s not sure they’re wrong, otherwise he might be losing his damn mind. Add on a shitty flight home and walking in on Steve being all domestic, eating whole wheat toast, egg whites and fucking turkey sausage and Danny had been blindsided by warm, _effing_ tingly thoughts that he was in no way prepared for.

And then tonight, Steve hugging that fucking Ken doll, who Danny is sure is a secret serial killer. No one that good looking is so nice and freaking charming. Obviously Steve’s judgment in character has been suspect before, and it’s Danny’s job to save him from dating Ted Bundy. So what if he had been a little rude, alright a bit of a dick, he’d had good reason.

He realizes he’s pacing his living room floor and stops, collapsing down onto his couch and putting his head in his hands. Danny is not gay. And even if he _was_ , he would not be into the lunatic that is Steven McGarrett. It’s not possible.

Danny thinks about it, seriously thinks about going _there_ with Steve, and it’s a mess of a thought. He thinks he’d be hung up on the guy part, but he’s _not_. Danny’s always considered himself an ally of gay rights, growing up with hippy-like parents how could he not. But he’d also never questioned his sexuality before, and the fact that he is _now_ is throwing him for a loop.

More than anything, Danny just can’t believe he could be that fucking blind. There’s no way he could have feelings for someone who’s been right in front of his face for _seven years_. Danny knows himself better than that and the thought that he could be wrong makes him feel like he’s free falling with no end in sight.

 

***

Danny doesn’t sleep a wink that night, his mind refuses to shut off. He begrudgingly accepts that maybe he should apologize to Steve, but coming up with a reasonable excuse for his behavior last night has him at a loss. 

So he does as he was asked and doesn’t pick Steve up for work; that it lets him avoid the situation a bit longer is just a happy bonus. Instead, he leaves a bit early and makes an unannounced stop at Melissa’s. He knocks on her door and while he’s waiting it hits him that he hasn’t knocked on Steve’s door in years. Danny shrugs the thought off when Melissa answers in a robe and loose tangled hair. She’s gorgeous without even trying and it makes a tired smile cross his face.

“Danny? Shouldn't you be at work?” Melissa has a worried scrunch to her forehead. “Did something happen?”

Danny shakes his head. “Just thought I’d drop by and see you.”

He must look worse than he thought because she keeps a troubled look on her face while saying, “Come on in. Let me get you some coffee.”

“That’d be great.” Danny takes a seat at her small kitchen table while she grabs two cups of coffee and a plate of chocolate chip muffins he knows she loves. 

Melissa sits opposite him and eyes him over her coffee cup. “You look like you got hit by a bus.”

“Jersey wasn’t as relaxing as I thought it’d be,” he says, not wanting her to think it was his job bothering him. It’s a reflexive holdover from when he was with Rachel that he’s never been able to shake. At her confused look, he realizes she’d forgotten about his trip, and he panics for a moment wondering if he’d even told her about it in the first place. 

Danny remembers calling her on his way to the airport right as she says, “Oh, right. How are your parents doing?”

But it’s the final straw that breaks his willful ignorance. Melissa has been his girlfriend for years and he barely makes time to talk to her, let alone be with her. He’s speaking before he can stop himself. “How do you see our future?”

Melissa raises her eyebrows, and is silent for a few minutes. “So you’re the first to break,” she says, a bittersweet smile crossing her face. “I always figured it was going to be me.”

“What?” Danny asks, a little stunned at her reaction.

“We’ve had an expiration date for a while, Danny,” she tells him with a sigh. “We’ve just both been too chicken-shit to do anything about it.”

This is news to Danny, or it should be, but the more he thinks about it the more he knows it’s true. It’s a relief to acknowledge it, and the fact that Melissa’s on the same page as him soothes some of the ache. Danny reaches out across the table and takes her hand. “I don’t wanna lose you though. I care about you a lot.”

“I love you,” she tells him with a roll of her eyes. “I’m just not in love with you.” And that, Danny thinks, is a pretty accurate description of their entire relationship. Melissa gives him a teary smile. “I don’t regret anything, you know. You made me believe men aren’t all shit bags.”

Danny laughs. “I do well with really low bars.”

Melissa laughs too. “You’re actually a really high bar, Danny Williams. You’re kind and sweet and an amazing father.” She looks down for a moment, almost like she’s embarrassed. “You made me feel safe.”

Danny’s a little overwhelmed himself. “I’ll always be around, you know that right? Just say the word and I’m there.”

“I know.” Her smile is bright this time. “If we could chose who we fall in love with, I totally would’ve picked you.”

Danny feels those words all the way to his bones. He tightens his hand in hers and holds it one last time.

 

*** 

Steve’s anger has mostly vanished by morning. Sure, Danny had been a dick but it wasn’t his fault Nate had accused him of things that Steve desperately wanted and was consequently terrified of. And it’s not like Danny’s never been overprotective when it comes to friends of Steve’s that he didn’t know before. Hell, even with Catherine when she’d come back the first time. 

When Danny doesn’t show up to take him to work he’s a little bit disappointed and that makes him mad at himself. His coping emotion appears to be anger and he’s sure his therapist would have a field day with that.

Danny shows up to work fifteen minute late, looking exhausted and a little sad. Steve’s more than ready to make nice, but Danny flat out ignores him. Hurt and anger form a familiar swirl of emotion that he rides all day. When it’s almost time to go home Steve realizes he’s been brooding in his office for over an hour, and he decides to leave a little early. There’s no priority case to distract him and paper work would just piss him off more. He stops by Danny’s office only to see the blinds down, and with a shake of his head he keeps walking. He could use a drink or five tonight. Steve’s sure his liver can take it, no matter what Danny fucking thinks. 

 

***

Danny is very aware he’s being a jerk, especially when Steve’s concern breaks through the robot act he’s got going on, and doesn’t that make Danny’s guilt fly through the roof. But he’s not dealing very well, or even dealing with it at all. If he is having a mid life crisis, he’s doing it backwards he thinks; he should have started dating a hot, younger blonde, not _break up_ with her. 

At least he still has an awesome sports car. That he rarely gets to drive. Danny drops his head to his desk and pleads with the universe to open up a very large hole to swallow him. He hears a knock on the door and before he can tell them to go away, Kono walks in like she owns the place. 

Danny waves a hand, not bothering to pick his head up. “Sure, come on in. Make yourself at home.”

Kono is never fazed at his sarcasm. “Don’t mind if I do,” she says, taking the seat in front of his desk.

“Boss went home early,” she tells him, and that does get him to sit up. “You guys are fighting again.”

It’s not even a question and Danny isn’t in the mood. “You know I don’t remember asking for your input, but—”

She just talks over him. “Come on, Danny. You know you can tell Auntie Kono anything.”

Danny winces. “Why do you have to make things creepy?”

Kono grins, completely unrepentant. “Why do you have to be so difficult? You guys are bringing down the whole team and I’m not having it.”

Danny sighs. “I broke up with Melissa.”

Kono’s face drops, sympathy instantly appearing all over her face. “I’m sorry, Danny. That really sucks, brah.”

Danny laughs a little. “Yeah, it does.”

“But why would that make you fight with Steve?” 

“I haven’t told him,” Danny admits. “And I might have taken my foul mood out on him.” It’s not exactly a lie, but he’s not sure he even knows what the truth is anymore.

It’s Kono’s turn to sigh. “Just apologize. You know he’ll forgive you. He always does.”

That hits way harder than it should. “Yeah.”

 

***

Steve’s in his chair by the ocean, about three beers in, when Danny quietly lowers himself into the chair beside him. 

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and Steve finds it kinda peaceful, but maybe that’s the beer talking. Finally Danny says, “I’m sorry I was a jerk last night.”

“Yeah? And what about today?” Steve’s not really mad anymore but he’s not feeling particularly forgiving either.

“And I’m sorry I was a jerk today,” Danny replies without missing a beat. “I shouldn’t have taken my bad mood out on you or your friend. Even if he was a smarmy douche-bag.”

Steve holds up his hand, his anger flaring up. “Wait a minute. You were the douche-bag here. My _friend_ was nothing but nice even when he didn’t have to be.” 

Danny clenches his jaw. “Fine, I was the douche-bag but I still don’t like him.”

Steve is honestly baffled. “I don't get it, you push me to meet _all the fish in the sea_ ,” he uses air quotes because this conversation is that ridiculous. “Then you don’t like them? Make up your mind.”

Danny takes a deep breath before letting it out. “Sometimes I get a little overbearing, overprotective even of the people I care about.”

“No shit,” Steve says before Danny’s finished talking. “Poor Grace is going to stab you before she’s eighteen.” 

Danny glares at him, but Steve just waves a hand for him to continue. Danny shakes his head, looking out towards the ocean. “I’ll work on it, okay?”

Steve follows his gaze and lets his anger go for good. He should feel lucky he has a friend who cares about him as much as Danny does, even if he’s a prickly, old cuss. “Okay.”

Danny turns back to him. “I _am_ sorry, you know.”

Steve doesn’t answer, just picks up one of his unopened beer bottles and hands it over to Danny. Beer’s the best peace offering he knows anyways. 

 

***

A few days later Steve’s getting ready to go on a run before work when his doorbell rings. He opens the door to find Nate in full paramedic uniform, looking nervous. “So I thought I’d stop by on my way to work and apologize for how I left things last time,” Nate tells him as soon as the door opens. “But it all seemed a lot less stalkerish in my head, so I think I’m going to go.”

Nate actually turns like he’s going to leave and Steve laughs and grabs his arm to stop him. “Shut up and get in here.”

Steve takes him to the kitchen and gets him a drink, and he can’t help noticing just how good Nate looks in that uniform. At least he’s not alone, because Nate’s totally eyeing his running shorts and tank top. “It occurred to me the other night that I might have been too harsh on you.” Nate’s smile is sheepish. “I probably overreacted. You and your partner’s relationship isn’t any of my businesses and I’d hate to lose a friendship over something like that.”

Steve focuses on only one of his words. “Just a friendship?”

Nate looks torn. “I hate to say this, but I think I’d get way more out of being friends with you than a quick fling meant to crash and burn.”

Steve’s touched at the sentiment, but also kinda sad. They’d had some _good_ sex, and Nate’s looking real good to him right now. “You’re probably right.” 

Nate smirks at him. “You keep looking at me like that and this is gonna be the shortest friendship in history.”

He almost blushes, but gets it together enough to grin back. “What can I say, I’ve always liked a man in uniform.” 

Nate looks down like he forgot what he was wearing. “Ohh,” he says and stands up. “You know one last time wouldn't hurt anything. Could even be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

He’s crowding up to him without touching and Steve reels him in with an arm around his waist. “You’ll be late to work,” Steve says, even while he’s pulling Nate in for a kiss. 

Nate kisses back, breaking away to breathe against him. “I got time, do you?”

Steve glances at the clock on the stove and smiles; he’s got plenty of time before Danny gets here. “We can’t let this friendship start on a bad note. Come on.” 

Nate just pushes him against the kitchen counter and kisses him fervently. That works too.

 

*** 

Danny walks up Steve’s drive earlier than usual, with malasadas and the good coffee from the diner. He’s not sucking up to Steve ‘cause he still feels guilty. Nope, he’s just being a kind, considerate friend. 

He’s already through the door when he hears an unmistakable moan; he looks up quickly and drops the bag of donuts, barely saving the coffees from the same fate. “Oh, shit.”

Steve and Nate are at the bottom of the stairs, making out like there’s no tomorrow, obviously having trouble navigating them with how they’re glued together. Steve’s shirt is missing and Nate’s is hanging off him, and Danny can’t stop staring at where Steve’s hands are currently sliding between fabric and skin.

They break apart when they hear him and Danny bends down to pick up the bag he dropped, avoiding all eye contact. “I’ll, uh, come back later. Sorry.”

Danny’s turning around when he hears Nate call out, “Wait.” He doesn’t want to look back, but he does, eyes flying to Steve like a magnet. Steve’s still breathing hard and looking shocked. Danny drags his eyes to Nate and finds him quickly straightening his clothes, giving Steve a peck on the cheek and whispering something Danny can’t hear. Nate turns back to Danny, saying. “Don’t go. I’ve got to get to work.”

Danny wordlessly watches him slip out the door behind him, leaving an uncomfortable silence in his wake. Steve looks more embarrassed than he’s ever seen him, finally saying, “I’m gonna go take a quick shower, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Steve climbs the stairs two at a time and Danny numbly walks to the kitchen table and sits the coffees and donuts down. He sits down slowly and looks down. Well, that does answer a few questions he’s been asking himself. Danny lets out a shaky breath and wills his dick down, still seeing flashes of Steve’s hand down Nate’s pants. 

Danny groans, putting his head in his hands and lets the dam break on _all_ of thoughts he’s tried so hard to keep at bay. Imagining himself in Nate’s place and Steve’s hands are on _him_ , all those muscles for him to touch, and Steve’s mouth his to take. He’s breathing hard by the end of it and he doesn’t know if he’s about to come in his pants or have a panic attack. 

Luckily the encroaching panic calms his dick down and Steve takes a lot longer than he usually does in the shower. He determinedly doesn’t think about why that is. By the time Steve comes down the stairs, Danny has it together enough to fake it till he makes it.

Steve stares at him. “You ready?”

Danny leaves the malasadas but picks up the coffees, handing one to Steve as he walks past him towards the door. “Yup.” Danny can’t wish this day to be over any faster.

 

***

Steve and Danny seem to make the mutual decision not to talk about what happened this morning. Steve’s more than okay with this; especially with Nate’s parting words _tell me again that’s the look of a friend_ echoing in his head.

He’s sure Nate is mistaken, because all Steve had seen was surprise and bit of awkwardness; but it’s still enough to mess with his head. It’s a relief when an important case falls on them, and Steve can put all his focus into catching two-bit drug dealers in the hopes of getting a lead on the new smuggler responsible for killing two cops this morning.

Danny’s unusually quiet and direct, but Steve figures it’s due to the seriousness of the case and is honestly glad for it, letting him concentrate without any disruptions. 

Everyone’s exhausted by the end of the day, their spirits down with the lack of breaks. Steve sends everyone home when it’s evident they’re getting nowhere, hoping for a better day tomorrow. Steve watches Danny rub tiredly at his face, before wordlessly getting up to leave, the rest slowly trailing out after him.

Steve stays behind to look over everything one more time. It’s not because he’s avoiding going home to where there’s room to think about Danny seeing him with Nate. It’s absolutely not.

Kono raps on his door on her way out. “You need sleep too, boss man.”

Steve gives her a small smile. “I will, just checking a few things before I leave.”

She crosses the threshold, leaning against the chair across from his desk. “Uh huh.” Kono fiddles with her keys. “I know you’re worried about Danny too. But he’ll be okay, he just needs some time.”

He frowns. “What are you talking about?”

Kono gives him an exasperated look. “His breakup with Melissa? She’s been a part of his life for a while.”

“He broke up with Melissa?” Steve asks, completely taken aback.

Kono’s eyes widen. “You didn’t know? But you were fighting and then you made up...” She trails off and then covers her mouth, obviously upset. “I thought for sure you knew.”

Steve’s more than a little stunned. “When did this happen?”

She hesitates, but says, “Like three days ago. He really didn’t tell you?”

Steve shakes his head, and at her obvious distress tells her, “It’s fine. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. Don’t worry about it.” Kono doesn’t look convinced, and he reiterates, “It’s fine, Kono, go home and get some sleep. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

She finally nods. “Night, boss.”

Steve sits back in his chair after she leaves and thinks it’s not fine, it’s not fine at all. Unease starts filtering in at just _why_ Danny hadn’t told him about breaking up with Melissa, and that it had to have been right after he got back from Jersey. Maybe that’s what his pissing match with Nate had been all about? But again, why hadn’t he told Steve when he apologized for it?

Steve shuts his laptop, knowing no more work was going to get done tonight. The trickle of doubt makes him nauseous, that maybe Danny had figured out his feelings for him and his erratic behavior is because of that. That keeping his breakup a secret was nothing more than a shield from _Steve_. It’s probably nothing more than paranoia talking but Danny is a great detective, and maybe it’s always been a matter of time before he found out. 

 

***

 

Danny gets home and the first thing he contemplates is if he would be waking his mother up at midnight and whether he cares or not. He decides to risk it, sliding down his kitchen cabinets to the floor. Because the floor is the only safe place to have this conversation.

His mother answers on the fourth ring. “Danny?” she says, not sounding sleepy, but concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” he says, a little guilty. “Everything’s fine. I just needed to ask you something.”

“Oh,” she replies. “Well, you got me. Shoot.”

Danny takes a deep breath and asks, “How’d you know dad was the one?”

There’s silence on the other end for so long he begins to think he lost the signal, but then his mother exclaims, “Daniel, are you planing on proposing to that girl! Because she’s a lovely, I know you like her a lot but she doesn’t challenge you and I can’t–”

“Mother!” Danny yells over her. Then more quietly. “I’m not proposing to anyone, especially not Melissa since I broke up with her.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know? Because the last time you asked me that was before you asked Rachel to marry you.” 

“I did?” Danny asks.

“Wait, you broke up with Melissa?”

Danny groans out a laugh. “Yes, a few days ago.” He folds in on himself and says very quietly, “I think I have feelings for someone else.”

“Who is it?” his mother inquires. “Anyone I know?”

He laughs again, but there’s really nothing funny about it. “Yeah, you know them,” he says. “I think I’ve lost my mind.”

His mom makes a humming noise. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that.”

“Steve,” he breathes out. “It’s Steve.”

His mother doesn’t say anything right away causing Danny to cover his face with his hand, embarrassment trickling in. Saying it out loud makes him sound ridiculous, but worse than that is that it doesn’t sound like a _lie_. 

“Huh,” his mom says finally. “I wasn’t expecting that. But it does explain a few things.”

“Mom,” he whines. “I’m serious. I think I'm having a mental break.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic,” she tells him. “You’ve always been so serious, worrying that big head of yours, even when you were a toddler. It’s exhausting, sweetheart.”

“I don’t have a big head,” he says mulishly. “And this is kinda a big deal.”

His mother sighs. “You’ve been close to him for years, Danny. What’s made you see him differently?” she asks. “Was it giving him half your liver?”

“No,” he tells her. That had been the easiest decision of his life. “He started dating someone new. A guy.” Danny coughs, clearing his throat. “And I didn’t like it. I guess I got jealous.”

“Yeah, you’ve always been a possessive little shit,” his mom says, amused. “Hoarded your toys like they were gold, and your sister were marauders.”

Danny bangs the back of his head against the cabinet. “I come to you for help and all I get is abuse.”

His mom laughs. “I’m sorry, darlin’, but I can’t help you. Only you know what you truly feel and if it’s worth going after.”

Danny swallows thickly. “Yeah.”

“You know more than anyone that there are no guarantees, no matter how much you want them to be,” she says, voice taking on a somber turn. “If you want my advice it’s to ask yourself if he’s worth fighting for. Because that’s when you know who’s the one.”

Danny closes his eyes as her words sink in. Steve has infiltrated every aspect of his life, his job, his friends and family, his _kids_. They’ve been through so much together and it’s like a kaleidoscope of memories flash before him; Steve young and grieving, holding his father’s tool box. Watching Charlie through a hospital window and not knowing he was _his_. Getting blown up and a _lecture_ on being too negative. Losing his brother in more ways than one. Steve broke and bleeding on the floor, confused after killing Wo Fat. Landing a plane on a beach in the desperate hope Steve won’t die on him. Every single moment since he’s moved to this island and Steve is right _there_. His whole life hanging on one person. 

He would be risking everything if he tries for something more. Steven fucking McGarrett had somehow become his _everything_. He chokes out, “I’ve been doing it for seven years.”

“I thought so too,” she says, a least sounding more sympathetic. “Seems like you have your answer.”

“Oh, God.” He slumps against the cabinets. “What if he’s never thought of me like that before and I’ve been freaking out for nothing?”

“Only one way to find out,” his mother tells him. 

 

***

 

Danny feels a lot calmer the next morning, mostly because against all odds he’d fallen asleep early and slept like baby. He knows he has two options, say something or leave it well enough alone. Danny’s not the type of person to leave things alone, so really he only has one option and it is terrifying. Except it’s still better than not knowing what he’d wanted.

Whatever he’s going to say, it’s going to be after this cased is closed. Steve has his stoic game face on all morning and Danny’s beginning to worry about him. It’s enough that when they’re about to go talk to their seventh suspect of the day, Danny stops him from getting out of the car with a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says, in the most unconvincing way possible. 

“I know things have been weird lately,” Danny says, trying for soothing. “Uh, are you and Nate okay?”

“We’re good,” Steve says after a minute’s hesitation. “We’ve decided to just be friends.” 

“Oh,” is all Danny can think to say as unexpected relief washes over him. “Hey, after this is over we’ll get some beers and talk, okay?” 

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve goes tight with tension, giving him a very curt nod. “Sure.”

He’s out of the car before Danny can say anything else, and he has to scramble up after him. Steve’s already knocking on the door by the time he catches up, and he very proudly refrains from knocking Steve upside the head. The house is on the outskirts of town, large and in need of some upkeep.

No one answers them, but Danny gets a gut feeling that something is off. He’s about to peek in the side window when there’s a scream and the sound of breaking glass coming from the back. They both draw their guns in a second. Steve takes the lead, heading around the side of the house towards the backyard. Suddenly there are gun shots, bullets raining down on them from above. Danny ducks for cover, plastering himself against the side of the house. Steve grunts in pain and Danny’s attention splits between checking his partner and getting an angle on the shooter. “Fuck, Steve!”

He pushes away from the wall, risking exposure to fire back at the small balcony. He stops only when there’s nothing but silence overhead. Danny turns back to Steve, who’s crouched down close to the house, blood running down one arm. Steve gives him an okay gesture and turns around, attention fixed on the corner of the house as he stalks forward. Danny stops and reloads.

The sound of the backdoor crashing open is loud in the silence that’s fallen. Steve takes off in a rush. Danny follows at a slower pace, gun ready and eyes scanning the scene. Steve rounds the house and it happens faster than Danny can process; a man erupts from the shrubbery lining the back of the wall. He comes out swinging, and a baseball bat hits the back of Steve’s head hard. Danny fires, almost without though, but he’s too slow. The man drops, but Steve’s already down and not moving.

“Steve!” Danny skids to stop and drops to his knees beside Steve. Gently as he can, he rolls Steve onto his back, carefully holding his neck still as he does. He gets a hearty groan in response, and his relief is almost too much to bear. “Son of a bitch, Steve.”

His gaze flicks back around them, assessing for any danger but the grounds are quiet. Danny looks back at Steve and notices his eyes are flicking shut. “Hey, hey, stay with me.”  
He sees rivulets of blood dripping down Steve’s arm and swears. “You never do anything by half, do you?”

The neighbors have a clothesline, and Danny quickly steals a towel from it; calling in an officer down on his radio with urgent medical response needed. Steve can yell at him later for it. 

He kneels back down at Steve’s side, and wraps the towel tightly around the wound on his arm, when Steve groggily says his name. 

“Yeah, I’m here. You just lay there and breathe.” Danny keeps pressure on his arm.

“I gotta—,” Steve slurs at him, way worse than any drunk Steve. “I gotta tell you something.”

“Yeah,” Danny prompts. Figuring a talking Steve is a not dying from a cracked skull Steve. “What ya gotta tell me?”

“I know you don’t wanna—,” he says, eyes unfocused and Danny’s not entirely sure he’s seeing him. “I know you don’t wanna be surfing buddies with me. And that’s okay.” Steve’s voice is shredded. “That’s okay, Danno. You’re perfect the way you are and I wouldn't want you to change.” Steve takes in a shaky breath, and puts a hand over Danny’s that’s holding the bloody towel to his arm. “Especially not for me.”

Danny’s breathing deep by the time Steve’s stopped talking and he’s pretty sure there are tears in his eyes, but how the fuck is he supposed to deal with this right now. “You, Steve,” he fails and tries again. “I’ll be your surfing buddy, Christ. Anytime. Just _ask_ me.”

Steve has a pained, pinched look of confusion on his face, and he’s staring at Danny like he’s never seen him before. It makes Danny choke on a laugh. “God, I gave you my _liver_ , Steve. Do you really think there’s anything you could ask for that I wouldn't give you?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, leaning down to kiss him because he can’t not and Steve believes in actions more than all the words in the world. 

It’s barely more than a press of lips, but Danny’s shaking by the end of it. Overwhelmed and still full of adrenaline at seeing Steve motionless on the ground. 

“Danny?” Steve’s confusion is breaking his heart. He rubs his knuckles across Steve’s jaw, accidentally leaving a trail of blood in his wake. 

Footsteps snap him back into reality and he hears a tentative, “Danny?” It’s Kono and the purposely neutral look on her face tells him exactly what she saw. “The ambulance is here.”

Sure enough he can see the flashing lights and two guys come jogging around the house. Steve rouses at the commotion, forming feeble arguments to avoid the hospital. Danny tells him shortly, “You’ve been shot and had your head bashed in. You’re going to the hospital.”

Steve quiets after that and Danny watches them load him into the ambulance, shutting the doors before he can think to get in himself. The team’s all there but he’s not tracking very well; the scene quickly taken over by police and ambulances. Chin and Lou bring out two more men in handcuffs, and Kono helps bring a battered, crying woman holding a little girl to a paramedic. Danny can’t help but think she’s the one that screamed, alerting Steve and Danny to their presence. It’s only when Kono takes him by the arm and leads him to her car that he thinks he might be in mild shock. 

“They’ve got this, Danny. Let me take you to the hospital.” And he’s sure she’s handling him with kid gloves, but he can’t bring himself to care. Once they get to the hospital Kono guides him to the waiting room, leaving to talk to the nurse. He smooths his hands on his thighs in agitation and realizes his hands and shirt are stained a dirty, dark red with dried blood. It’s caked under his nails. Danny flashes back to the last time he was covered in Steve’s blood and has to count his breaths till his heart-rate slows back down. 

Kono comes back and tell him what he already knows. The doctor will come talk to them when he’s done looking Steve over. “Boss has a head harder than onyx. He’ll be fine.”

Danny just nods, wondering when he’s gonna snap out of this fog. She must sense he’s not all together yet, because she gets up and comes back with a bottle of juice, shoving it into his hands. “Drink.”

Danny does, too numb to do anything other than obey, and Kono quietly sits down beside him. He has no idea how much time passes before he exhales a resounding, “Fuck.”

Kono just nods in sympathy.

Danny’s quiet before finally saying, “So you saw that, huh?”

She turns to him, a serious look to her face. “I don’t have to have.”

“No,” he tells her, trying to roll the thought around his head. “It’s fine.”

She eyes him skeptically. “We’ve all joked about it a million times, but I don’t think anyone actually thought,” she trails off and Danny can’t help but laugh.

“Me either,” he says, not really sure why he’s talking about this with her. “I don’t think I understand it either.”

“I mean I’m surprised,” she tells him slowly, like she doesn’t want to upset him. “But I understand it. I think we would all understand it, Danny.”

And that, Danny thinks fiercely, is why his team are the best people in the world.

The doctor comes out, halting their conversation and tells them that they’re keeping Steve overnight for observation, but there was no indication of lasting brain trauma. The doctor had stitched up his arm nicely, and with time they have hopes for a full recovery. Danny slumps in relief, even though he’d known that a scratch and a bump to the head would never stop Steve for good, but confirmation was nice to hear anyways.

But then the doctor asks them if they want to go see him, that he’s awake and able to have visitors, and Danny panics. Because he’d _kissed_ Steve when he’d been concussed and unable to protest, and what if he had completely misconstrued what he’d been trying to say. Danny just can’t, he can’t see Steve pale and hurt on a hospital bed. He’s seen it one too many times.

Danny declines, saying he needs to clean up first and Kono looks like she wants to protest but doesn’t argue. He asks a uniform cop there to drive him home like a coward when Kono steps into Steve’s room.

 

***

 

Steve feels like he’s having a fevered dream. He’s been hit on the head a few times, alright more than a few times, but this one takes the cake. His head is killing him, and he’s half-convinced he hallucinated Danny kissing him. Except he’s hallucinated before and that hadn’t been quite right, it had felt painstakingly real.

He takes the doctors and nurses poking and prodding him with a grace he never does, and before he knows it he’s in his own room with Kono knocking gently on the door.

“Hey, boss,” she says. “Your heads even harder than we all thought.”

“You’re a riot, Kalakaua,” he tells her. “How’s the case going?”

She sighs, coming up to his bedside. “Chin and Lou are on it but,” Kono stops to smile at him. “I think we got the lead we needed. The DEA are already breathing down our necks to take over.”

Steve doesn’t mean too but can’t seem to help himself. “And Danny?”

“He’s getting cleaned up.” Kono’s face flickers with something before she says, voice cautious, “I think you’re going to need to give him some time.”

Steve doesn't care to think about what she’s hinting at, but he’s only got one answer to give anyway. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

***

Danny’s crisis of conscious last a lot longer than he would have liked; a revolving door of doubt and guilt until he falls asleep exhausted. He wakes up the next mornings with a clearer head and his Camero parked in his driveway with a note that simply says, _stop being a dumbass_.

He drives to the hospital with resolve, because there’s really only one way to figure this mess out and Kono is right, he needs to stop being a dumbass.

Except Steve’s not at the hospital, he’s already been released and picked up earlier this morning. He finds himself knocking on Steve’s door because it’s _locked_ , and Danny might be a little mad about that.

Steve opens his door in shorts and a tank top, and wearing a sling on his arm. He’s pale but otherwise in one piece and Danny gets stuck on his bare feet for a moment. Steve doesn’t back up and Danny asks, rather crankily, “You gonna let me in?”

He moves back, letting Danny inside. “Since when do you lock your door? I’ve told you to a thousand times and this is the one time you listen?”

“I do lock my door,” Steve tells him, his voice rough. “Just not when I’m expecting you.”

That takes the wind right out of his sails. “Oh,” Steve looks vulnerable to him, unarmed and like he’s waiting for a death blow. And just like that Danny can’t drag this out any longer. “Do you remember what happened?”

Steve rubs wearily at the bridge of his nose. “My head’s fine, Danno.”

That’s good to know, but not what he’d asked. “Do you remember what I said?”

There’s a forlorn look on his face before he turns away. “How could I forget?”

“Ask me.” Danny watches Steve shudder, a full body ripple, and he feels it as if they were touching. “ _Ask_ me,” Danny demands again. “Because I meant what I said. Did you?”

Steve shakes his head. “I can’t.” There’s an almost pleading look on his face. “Danny, you don’t know what you’re asking.”

Well, that’s bullshit and he tries to close the gap between them only to have Steve flinch away from him. It’s then that Danny realizes that Steve’s terrified. Of _him_. And it’s a gut-wrenching feeling. “Steve,” he says, voice scraped raw. “Why would you think that?”

Steve laughs, a dark tint to it. “You don’t even like men, Danny.”

“Okay, fair,” Danny relents a little. “So I’m having a very late sexuality crisis. It happens.”

“This isn’t a joke,” Steve tells him, tensing up and looking like he’s regaining some of his shields, and Danny can’t have that.

“I know,” he says. “Believe me, I know that.” He slumps a little, knowing he’s blundering this up bad. “Steve, just tell me. Do you have feelings for me?”

Steve’s a tense wire. “It doesn’t matter,” he says and walks out of the room. Actually walks out of the room and into the fucking kitchen.

“Bullshit,” Danny tells his back rather loudly. He follows, and watches as Steve grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge, fumbling to open it with one arm before Danny snatches it out of his hands. “It was a yes or no question, Steven.” He opens the water and takes a drink of it himself.

Steve glares at him but doesn’t say anything, and Danny gives him back the water. He realizes he’s gonna have to give something in order to get something here. “I’ve been thinking about this since Catherine asked me if we were fucking.” 

Steve’s jerk of surprise almost sends water flying everywhere. “What?”

“Yeah, I lied,” Danny admits. “I was blindsided, okay? It wasn’t my finest moment.” He clears his throat and keeps going. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and then you were suddenly attracted to men and then having _sex_ with them and I kinda lost my damn mind.”

Steve very carefully puts the water bottle on the counter. “Danny, you don’t—”

“Then I saw you with Nate,” Danny continues like Steve hadn’t said anything. “And I was so jealous I wanted to pull out my gun out and shoot him.” At Steve’s raised eyebrows he adds defensively, “Just in the leg or something. Or the hand maybe. I’m not an animal. I didn’t want to kill him.” Steve’s mouth twitches like he wants to smile but is too unsteady to accomplish it. Danny feels like he’s trembling himself. “I broke up with Melissa afterwards.”

“I know,” Steve says, glancing up at him. “Kono accidentally told me.”

Danny shakes his head ruefully at all the meddling women in his life. “Then you know I’m serious, Steve. I do nothing by halves and I’m already one million freak outs into this thing so tell me.” His eyes lock onto Steve’s and he doesn’t waver. “Do you have feelings for me?” 

Steve closes his eyes. “I always have.” He says it like a confession and Danny can’t stop himself from swaying closer. He freezes as Steve opens his eyes and says, “Danny we do this and you’ll ruin me.” He smiles and there’s nothing but sadness to it. “I mean it, we do this, that’s it for me, no take backs. And if it fails,” Steve stutters to a stop. “If it fails, I lose _everything_.” He looks wrecked as he finishes, “You are my family and I’d rather just be your friend then to not have you at all.”

It’s the most real, honest answer he’s ever gotten out of Steve and he feels it like a punch to the gut. “Do I look like I don’t play for keeps?” Danny tries for a smile but can’t keep it. “There are no guarantees, Steve,” he says on a huff of a laugh. “People keep telling me that and I’ve never wanted to listen.”

He chances taking a step closer. “But I’m willing to bet you’re worth the risk. In fact I’ve done nothing but bet my life on it since we met.” Steve doesn’t move away or say anything, and Danny’s not a patient person. “Steve?”

Steve looks like he’s fighting with himself, ending in him gasping, “ _Please_.” Danny surges up, mindful of his arm and kisses him, slow at first as Steve just stands there, letting Danny taste him. But then something snaps and Steve lets out a low groan, kissing him back, and then they’re frantic, mouths open and slick as they try to get as close as humanly possible. 

Danny only pulls back at Steve’s grunt of pain, and remembers too late at his hand clutching the back of Steve’s head. He lets go like he’s been burned. “Fuck, sorry.” 

Steve’s eyes are dark and intense on his. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You’ve been shot and probably have a severe concussion. You’re supposed to be relaxing,” Danny tells him. “Come on.”

“Danny,” Steve protests but follows him willing enough to the couch. Danny makes him sit and appeases the pout he gets in return by sitting down next to him, close as he can get. 

He gently feels at the nasty knot on the back of Steve’s head. “Damn, Shouldn't you have an ice pack on this?”

“Danny,” Steve says again, and tips Danny’s chin up, leaning down to kiss him. He lets it happen because it’s so _good_ , sweet and addicting already. Danny doesn’t mean to let it go too far but before he knows it he’s halfway into Steve’s lap, and his dick is more than into it, straining against his slacks.

Danny breaks away to pant out, “I suppose this is one way to relax you.” 

Steve rumbles out a laugh underneath him. Danny eyes him up and down, from his flushed and beautiful face to the bulge that his shorts do nothing to hide, and gets an idea. “I might be new to this but I think I can manage a handjob.”

Steve moans, and Danny maneuvers till he’s mostly comfortable on his lap, knowing he’s going to be feeling it in his knees later. Steve watches him, a hit of disbelief on his face. “You don’t have to, I don’t care if you—”

Danny stops Steve from talking by simple taking his only free hand and putting it over his dick. “Does that feel like I don’t want to?” Steve’s breath hitches, and he rubs down, making it Danny’s turn to shudder. He takes Steve’s hand away, setting it on the arm of the couch. “Keep this here?” Danny makes it a question and feels a rush of arousal when Steve gives a jerky nod of understanding. 

He starts with a hand under Steve’s shirt, not seeing a way to wrestle it off with the sling in the way. Steve’s muscles flex under him and Danny trails his hand over his stomach, across his chest. He lets his hand fall back down to Steve’s crotch, feeling him hot and hard through his shorts, giving him an experimental squeeze.

Danny glances up and gets caught in Steve’s heavy-lidded gaze. He almost keeps waiting for this to be weird, to have some awkwardness at the fact that he’s about to touch his friend’s dick, but it’s just blindingly hot. He feels like he’s burning up from the inside out. Danny quickly pulls his shorts and underwear down, freeing Steve’s cock to the air and Danny’s not an expert as far as dicks go, but it’s pretty nice. Course all of Steve is pretty nice.

Steve’s breathing deep, a hitch in his hips as Danny palms him, feeling him from root to tip, fascinated by the difference and at the fact that Steve’s dripping down his fingers. He’s used to jerking it the other way around and it makes for a halting rhythm, and he’s captivated by his thumb catching on the rim. 

“I never took you for a tease,” Steve’s voice is clipped. Danny blinks up at him, just noticing his white-knuckled grip on the couch and the line of tension running through him. Danny realizes he’s been playing around, accidentally keeping him on edge. 

“Uh, sorry,” he says and learns up to kiss him in apology, starting a better rhythm, jerking him faster and rougher than before, and Steve whines against his lips. 

Danny uses his other hand to caress Steve’s chest, nails catching on his nipples, and it doesn’t take long till Steve’s tensing and spurting through his fingers. Steve’s almost silent as he shakes through it and Danny gets caught on his face, at the blissed out look of pleasure lighting him up.

He barely lasts five seconds before ripping his pants open and jerking his own dick, hand still slick with Steve’s come and it doesn’t take long, coming hunched over and head buried in Steve’s neck. He bites down lightly just to feel Steve jolt underneath him.

Danny eventually sits back up, taking in the mess they made and Steve’s slightly stunned look. He’s still breathless as he says, “Well, I don’t think gay sex is going to be a problem for this relationship.” 

Steve throws a hand over his face and laughs. 

 

***

Steve keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop; in no way able to believe that Danny suddenly wants everything Steve has wanted and denied for seven years. For his part, Danny seems happy and enthusiastic, traits he doesn’t necessary attribute to Danny Williams, and it’s throwing him for a loop.

It’s not till almost a week later that it starts to hit him that it could be real. He’d been to the doctor earlier in the day, his arm and head all checking out for the better, and Danny had smiled at him after dinner and said, “Take me to bed.”

It’s better than he ever could have imagined, it’s them rolling around on his bed laughing, both trying to gain control until Steve relents, knowing anyway it happens he’ll still end up winning. 

Danny fucks him like he does everything else, whole-heartily and a little bit ranty. He can barely breathe as Danny takes him apart piece by piece. And it’s all he can do to hold on as Danny comes inside him, claiming him and making him absolutely useless for anyone else. 

Afterwards, Steve pushes and shoves him into being the little spoon, much to Danny’s disgruntlement. But it’s so Steve can hide his face, keeping it shoved into the base of Danny’s neck. He’s clinging and shaking and can’t seem to stop until Danny cards their fingers together, pulling them up to cradle against his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve gasps without meaning to. “Say it again.”

Danny says it again and again and again until Steve stops shaking and starts believing.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from P!nk's _Crystal Ball._ I love all feedback and thanks for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fanmix for Of the Cracks in the Crystal Ball](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18797686) by [pterawaters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pterawaters/pseuds/pterawaters)




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